| its me |
[03 Jan 2006|01:41am] |
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mood |
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 my new camera lalala |
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music |
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the pixies- gigantic |
] |
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| wow im such like a shitty ass person |
[31 Dec 2005|12:10pm] |
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mood |
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 this really sucks |
] |
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music |
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im restricted. |
] |
im grounded. its so great.
im a fuck up, "an embarassment", im "throwing my life away", blah blah.
thanks for the great support from my family, not.
oh well. whatever. grounded on new years eve. what a great way to start 2006. its going to be a long year now, i can feel it.
i cannot wait for all this to be over.
Lindsay
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| yup |
[29 Dec 2005|01:21pm] |
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mood |
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im popular. |
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music |
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nada surf- popular |
] |
i got a really cool digital camcorder for christmas and ive been making some pretty funny movies. im combining them all and making one big one. its pretty cool. christmas was alright. sucks that school starts soon. ehhh
Lindsay
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| merry christmas...or whatever |
[23 Dec 2005|09:40pm] |
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mood |
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alright |
] |
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music |
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everyone is cool....except a few people |
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chris fenner is sexy.
happy holidays.
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| ive never been so alone, and ive never been so alive. |
[15 Dec 2005|02:54pm] |
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mood |
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one step closer to you |
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music |
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pink floyd |
] |
today was the last day of school.
it was a relief.
i havent updated recently, ive been too happy. isnt that weird? i only update when i have something to bitch about or my self esteem is shit or whatever. but lately ive been pretty happy. no particular reason, really. just having some fun times. i care about a lot of people. and the cycle sucks, but at least there are people who can make you laugh and pee in your pants.
thats it.
Lindsay
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| i can play too |
[07 Dec 2005|07:02pm] |
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mood |
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ill keep a cool head. |
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music |
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social distortion |
] |
i love boys.
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| my uncle gave me 100 mp3s with 1600 albums, oh yeah |
[04 Dec 2005|12:26pm] |
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mood |
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kinda good actually |
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music |
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blink 182 |
] |
Mom and dad they quite don't understand it,
All the kids they laugh as if they planned it
Why do girls wanna pierce their nose?
And walk around in torn pantyhose? oh yeah
I like the ones who say they listen to the "punk rock"
I like the kids who fight against how they were brought up
They hate the trends and think it's fucked to care,
It's cool when they piss people off with what they wear, oh yeah
So give me one good reason,
Why we need to be like them
Kids will have fun and offend
They don't want to and don't fit in
Hate the jocks, the preps, the hippie-fuckin scumbags
Heavy metalers with their awful, pussy hair bands
Counting seconds until we can get away,
Ditchin' school almost every single day, oh yeah
So give me one good reason,
why we need to be like them
Kids will have fun and offend
They don't want to and don't fit in
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| where im from we live like its the greatest attraction. |
[28 Nov 2005|11:19pm] |
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mood |
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capable of smiles. |
] |
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music |
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you're just like a dream |
] |
thinking is not good. not good at all.
ive been thinking about what the hell has happened to me. ive been thinking about what the hell i have done to myself. ive been talking to people, close to me and not close to me, and having great conversations about life. ive had it wrong all along. ive thought that no one knows me, no one understands, blah blah blah. but everyone feels just like me. everyone feels alone, at some point at least. everyone understands. everyone relates. everyone can feel it too, whether they know or not. and not a damn person knows what to do about it. no one knows...but everyone knows. maybe someone out there who reads this understands what im saying.
its like having everything in the world, and feeling like you have nothing. its like floating around when you know that you are capable of flight. its like im hiding. its like wanting one person, one single person, to truly know me and understand. whether they love me or not, like me or not, whatever...just to know me. and not to judge me.
its not so much me wanting others to love me. its more like me wanting to tell someone that i love them. and to mean it. but then i dont know if i could ever mean it, because i dont know if im capable. but then again, i know im capable of amazing feelings. it just takes time. and i hate time.
quote from one of my favorite songs is as follows-
wherever you are
however you get there
i hope you wake up happy
and think of me
or at least remember.
take care.
-Lindsay
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| yummy |
[28 Nov 2005|03:31pm] |
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mood |
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high off fumes |
] |
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music |
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ummmm chris singing |
] |
there is a really hot boy beside me.
his hair is a mess
and i like it
today is a good day
kind of
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| monotony.... |
[27 Nov 2005|10:24pm] |
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mood |
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 i hate time. |
] |
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music |
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ehhh who cares |
] |
"all good things must come to end"
is not my motto or ideal
but it stalks me like a shadow
through rain i cannot feel
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| you turned it around on me. |
[19 Nov 2005|12:54am] |
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mood |
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 you never tried, not one bit |
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music |
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everythings my fault. |
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you are a walking contradiction.
you are a contradiction in itself.
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| play it cool boy, real cool |
[01 Nov 2005|10:28pm] |
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mood |
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i feel pretty. |
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music |
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hot hot heat |
] |
come see me in West Side Story =)
This Friday, November 4th at 8pm in the Dreher Auditorium or this Sunday, November 6th at 3pm in the Dreher Auditorium.
im so excited about the show and i hope you will come see it.
everyone take care.
Linds
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| i will break free |
[23 Oct 2005|09:26pm] |
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mood |
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no one told me. |
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music |
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hurting people hurt people. |
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ive found out so much today that truly hurts me. honestly, after talking to one of my siblings i found out so much about my family. one person mainly. its all pretty personal, but it makes me so angry inside. i have been lied to. i basically am alive due to lies, i was born as a result of lies and deception. i was born only to hurt so many people, and it was all beyond my control. i dont even know who in my family are actually genuine to me. its all beyond my control. and i hate it. i dont want to be like anyone in my family, i dont want to live in lies. i want to be myself. i will never fake it like they do. and they can say that i hang out with losers or that im throwing my life away, but my friends truly make me happy. so they can kiss my ass. because materialism doesnt mean shit to me. doesnt mean shit. id rather marry someone i truly love and live in a trailer than marry some rich old man and live in a mansion and cheat on him daily and later get divorced. fuck that. im just so angry right now. so much i couldnt control, and i find out 16 fucking years later. fuck this.
i hate when i feel so insecure and lonely. and i just want to cry. like yesterday, i started crying for no reason and tyler kept asking me what was wrong and all i could say was that i wished that i wasnt so sensitive. i wish i was stronger. i wish i could take it. i just want to cry in someones arms and tell them everything. why i am the way i am. why im so goddamn defensive and why im passive aggressive. even mrs. arvay told me i was so defensive and that i "bite the hand that feeds me" and i do. im so goddamn defensive and sensitive and i snap at everyone.
i can be such a bitch to my friends. i think they are all beginning to realize it. i just snap sometimes and i become so mentally aggressive and i get so dark inside. i hate when i snap at tyler. or bek. or laura. or susan. or pope. or carl. or thor. i hate it. and guys im sorry, and i have no justification except for the fact that im hurting inside. and im defensive when someone jokingly calls me a name, or kids around about something, i take it so personal, bc i was 13 years old and i was being called a slut. i was abused so much in middle school. so now when someone says something to me i get so fucking angry and i slash back atthem and im just like fuck off. im sorry i am this way. i know i am such a hard person to reach, and i know that everyone thinks im a bitch. and i know i need to lighten up. i just think that everyone is out to get me and screw me over and i dont trust anyone. i really need to get out of that mindset. i love all my friends and a little less than half of my family. and i want you all to know that. im sorry i am the way i am. just please love me, be gentle, and give me a chance.
im ending every entry with a poem i wrote.
"Beauty"
An unchanging cycle of the clocks dials
leaves one trapped in repitition
The waves rise and fall with the earths rotation
giving the sun, the moon and the stars their commands
I float along in a bubble of conformity
dissatisfying my one true love...
I break free!
Whatever time it may be; I make the time.
I run through purple sand
Alone and desolate, I stop time
I hide my face but I am free
The stars, the moon, the sun, the waves
all have perception for oneself.
Uttermost chaos-
And it is there the Beauty lies.
-Lindsay Lesesne
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| some things haunt. |
[18 Oct 2005|10:51pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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say im fucking emo i dont care |
] |
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music |
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i was just reminded of whats its like to be left. |
] |
i suddenly started crying.
Everybody knows
It hurts to grow up
And everybody does
It's so weird to be back here
Let me tell you what
The years go on and
We're still fighting it, we're still fighting it
And you're so much like me
I'm sorry
Everybody knows
It sucks to grow up
And everybody does
It's so weird to be back here.
Let me tell you what
The years go on and
We're still fighting it, we're still fighting it
You'll try and try and one day you'll fly
Away from me
Good morning, son
I am a bird
It was pain
Sunny days and rain
I knew you'd feel the same things
Everybody knows
Tt hurts to grow up
And everybody does
It's so weird to be back here.
Let me tell you what
The years go on and
We're still fighting it, we're still fighting it
Oh, we're still fighting it, we're still fighting it
And you're so much like me
I'm sorry
you are so much like me, im so sorry.
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youngruinedsoul's journal
do u want me?
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